I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
