I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
