Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
