I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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