you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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