Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
