Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
