Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
