I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the high leading the old right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
