No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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