I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
