i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
