It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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