Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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