Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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