There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
