you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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