Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I could teleport
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
