that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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