note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
