I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
