Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
