I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
