I'm drive I can fine osifer
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
