Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
