I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bring me that man meat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
