Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
