so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept