You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.