dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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