The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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