You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
