Pappa wants mamma naked
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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