you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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