I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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