Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
