I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
