I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm determined to sit on that face.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
