I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
