The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize