I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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