Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
