guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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