I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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