i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
