you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
