If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
