The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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