I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"