i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
