i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize