all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
