I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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