where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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