I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
