Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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