Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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