Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
