i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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