Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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