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My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
