I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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