I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
