That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
