Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
