I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize