My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize