dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
