Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
