Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
