well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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