Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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