How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize