its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
