Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
